I had been running on battery power for too long and the warning light had changed from orange to an unwelcome blinking red. The reserves in my soul were finally running down to near empty; I was lost and hope of a miraculous turn of events was fast fading.

In April of that same year I had bought a Bible. Owning a Bible is one thing; opening and reading it is another. I did not have a mentor. I was not part of a Bible Study. Basically, I was a formerly proud member of a vast new class of biblically illiterate Americans. Up through my teenage years I had attended church; I had been baptized and confirmed as a child but what little faith I had, I freely abandoned for the far more popular religion of self reliance and self indulgence.

So I looked down at this brick of a book and asked myself why bother to read it? How can it provide relevance to my own sorry situation? If I were to decide to explore its pages, where do I begin? Where so many of my contemporaries had rejected the faith of their youth, why would I turn to the pages of the Bible for answers to my own self inflicted crisis? How could it help?

But I did open that Bible and I did begin the long journey of coming to know it and love it. Years later, the answer to my many question became apparent and it came to me from one of the Bible’s best know psalms. For even though I walked through the valley of the shadow of death; I came to realize that I am not in fact alone. When, early on, I choose to walk through this life on solo power, I inevitably lost that power and found myself without the resources to get to a safe place. As with so many of my contemporaries, I end up as little more than spent fuel.

The stories and accounts in the Bible speak to another source of power: the Holy Spirit of God that wants to abide within the heart of each one of us to restore our soul to the vibrant life God intended for us from the beginning.

As I began to engage the pages of the New and Old Testaments, I slowly learned to listen to what the ancient words were telling me about my own condition here and now. And as I began to absorb what I was hearing, I started to experience the cracking of my own shallow assumptions about the world and my place in it. I began to move from believing I could live a good life without God to believing I could not survive even one short day without Him.

Few words provoke a greater negative stock response than the word “sin.” The secular world generally rejects sin in their progressive view of the world which, from the Enlightenment period up to the present moment, has been an optimistic view of man improving his lot without the fiction of a creator God. They reject the biblical narrative entirely and have replaced it with a therapeutic concept of life where professionals can medicate and consult all of humanity into well being through a secular version of salvation. But such a philosophy seems so incomplete and disregards the unruly reality of our existence. Much of the calamities of the 20th Century seem to contradict the happy view of the progressives.

The Bible tells the reader that “sin is lawlessness” but lawless against whom, and what is lawlessness anyway. If law is a mere construct of man and nothing more, then the law is a subtle (or not so subtle) form of socially based tyranny.

King David gives us the biblical view on the matter: “Against you, you only have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight…” (Psalm 51). By “you” he is directly addressing God and no one else. The secular modernist defines sin (they never use this word) as an affront against one’s neighbor, not against God since to them, God does not exist. But in such a world, only the mighty sinner prevails, for it is strength that defines the law. And the law under this regime can lead to some very dark places. David Berlinski in his excellent book The Devil’s Delusion addresses these questions from the perspective of Ivan Karamazov in Dostoyevsky’s classic novel The Brothers Karamazov: In that novel, the question is asked: What happens if God does not exist? The answer: If God does not exist, then everything is permitted. Berlinski goes on to tell a story about an elderly Hasidic Jew who was commanded by an SS guard to dig his own grave. When he had finished digging, the Jewish man stood up straight and addressed his executioner: “’God is watching what you are doing,’ he said.” And then Berlinski wrote: “And then he was shot dead.” If God does not exist, everything is permitted.  Berlinski goes on to say this: “What Hitler did not believe and what Stalin did not believe and what Mao did not believe and what the SS did not believe and what the Gestapo did not believe and what the NKVD did not believe and what the commissars, functionaries, swaggering executioners, Nazi doctors, Communist Party theoreticians, intellectuals, Brown Shirts, Black Shirts, gauleiters, and a thousand party hacks did not believe that God was watching what they were doing. And as far as we can tell, very few of these carrying out the horrors of the twentieth century worried overmuch that God was watching what they were doing either.”(The Devil’s Delusion pp 26-27)

So when the world focuses on the second of Christ’s two great commandments, it is echoing to some extent the world’s view on the reality of the existence of God. In fact, this happens when the Rich Young Ruler (Matthew 19:16-30) runs up to Jesus and asks what he (the young ruler) must do to gain eternal life. In all three versions of this encounter (whether it is Jesus replying or the young ruler); the answer is limited and ironic. For the rich young man answers with a version of “love your neighbor” which is nothing more than the last six of the Ten Commandments. King David has it right; the Rich Young Ruler has it partially, but tragically, wrong. For without the first four commandments, the last six will always lead to one or another form of tyranny, and not freedom. But Paul says, “you are called to be free but do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature.”(Galatians 5:13) If societal tyranny is the name of the game rather than biblical freedom, then we now live in a diminished world indeed. Sin is lawlessness and man without God is destined to die in lawlessness and deprivation and in cynicism, skepticism and spiritual poverty. This is true for Cain who was destined to become a “restless wanderer of the earth” because he disregarded the plea of God which eventually led to the murder of his own brother. Disregard the first four commandments, and as B follows A, you will end up engaging in one or all of the last six. For if God does not exist, then everything is permitted. It is only the fear of the sword of the tyrant that will maintain forced order. And “love your neighbor” will be transposed in nothing less than “fear your neighbor” for your squalid life depends on it. In this version of things freedom becomes a slogan of the tyrant who is free to enforce the law in any lawless way he desires. Your neighbor now may be the instrument of your undoing and so you are no better off than any survivor cast up on a desert island; you have been exiled from genuine community.

Paul tells us that one thing is needed for authentic freedom and that is Jesus Christ and him crucified. (1 Corinthians). If sin is only neighbor to neighbor wrongdoing, then the cross is drained of all meaning and Jesus becomes only one of many teachers who we may or may not listen to. But Jesus as teacher only is just a strategy for many to avoid the more difficult implications of the crucifixion. By focusing on the last six commandments, we are ceding much too much to the way the world looks at the matter. For if the devil has succeeded in deluding us into thinking that God does not stand behind everything in creation, then we are reduced to mere human enforced order and that leads exactly where?

Life has been compared to a journey with many paths. This sounds very inclusive, but it is not Biblical.  In the first Psalm, David tells us that it is just as easy to “walk in the counsel of the wicked…” as it is to walk in the way of the Lord. We set off on a journey armed with map, compass and book, only to become utterly lost by taking a wrong turn here or by not paying attention there. If we want to stay on the straight path, then we must delight…“in the law of the Lord and on his law meditate day and night.”

The right way is not always an easy way; we are called to exercise wakefulness and exert effort. The prophet Isaiah said that the wisdom of the Lord requires that we seek Him in everything we do: “Seek the Lord while he may be found; call upon him while he is near.” Otherwise, we will wander alone on a trackless path with no hope of ever finding our way back to where the Lord always intended us to be. Jesus told us that a journey may have many roads, but only one leads to the Lord, for “…narrow is the road that leads to life…”

There was a time when I believed, truly believed, that wisdom, insight and success came from…me.  And so, it is not surprising that eventually I would run off the road and end up in a ditch.

When you are blinded by self-regard, it is hard to steer a straight course. The really sad thing is that I was a typical example of my “boomer” generation. We were swerving all over the place when we thought we were plowing straight ahead.

Ironically, the experience of disaster eventually restored my sight and my sanity. And with the restoration came the realization that victory of any kind can never rest with the singular possessive.

Jeremiah the prophet once wrote, “This is what the Lord says: ‘Let not the wise man boast of his wisdom or the strong man boast of his strength or the rich man boast of his riches, but let him who boasts boast about this: that he understands and knows me, that I am the Lord, who exercises kindness, justice and righteousness on earth for in these I delight.’”

Who, at some point in life, has not experienced a bad thing? And who, if you probe deep enough, does not think of himself as a genuinely good person? So why should it be surprising when an afflicted person cries out against the injustice of God?

At first glance, Job would seem to fit this description perfectly, but throughout the time of his suffering, he never claims to be a man without sin. In fact, it is God who claims that Job is “…blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil” (v8). While terrible things come to afflict Job, including the deaths of his children, the loss of his wealth and the pain of disease, the core question is whether or not Job will lose patience with God, blame Him and forsake Him.

Loss of faith and betrayal are central facts in the Old and New Testaments and understanding Job’s crisis is crucial to understanding our own response to crisis. Will we remain faithful no matter what? Will we humble ourselves before God no matter what the circumstance? Or will we turn our backs on God, rejecting Him in anger because we have come to believe that He has not been faithful to us?

Who hasn’t experienced trouble? Who hasn’t been at the end of their tether?  “Man is born to trouble” but this truth runs contrary to our fond fantasy that life is an easy pathway to a series of peak experiences on the stairway to heaven.

When trouble did come my way, it broke over me in waves. I should have known better, but I assured myself that I could successfully navigate to a safe harbor. Yet the storm only intensified, and I was pounded by the waves and blown and tossed by the wind. Like Jonah, “The engulfing waters threatened me, the deep surrounded me…and to the roots of the mountains I sank down; the earth barred me in forever.”

In my own day of trouble, all the usual answers proved to be empty and dangerous. And so when all options were exhausted and all doors had closed, I finally abandoned self reliance and prayed to God for deliverance from this impossible danger and distress. My situation was desperate, truly unsustainable, but miraculously I was lifted out of that storm and placed on a safe and secure rock.

Twelve years later, I was reminded of that storm and the miracle that saved me. During a Christmas Eve service at a local church, a group of children handed out little candy canes with a handwritten verse from one of the psalms tied to it. I almost rejected the small gift, but at the last moment, I accepted it. The note was this: “‘Call upon me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you will honor me.’” My eyes were suddenly opened, for I realized then and there why I had experienced that miracle so many years before. I also realized that I was being called to honor God with the life that had been saved. And at that moment, I experienced a new freedom that I had never known before.

On March 13 I happened to turn on Glenn Beck’s show on Fox News. I rarely see it, as I am usually at my desk in New York City at that hour in the afternoon. But on that day, I was traveling and so TV was an option. Glenn Beck, for those who do not know him, is a passionate radio and TV commentator who is deeply concerned about the dangerous drift going on in America today.

Unlike many of the pundit class, Glenn has focused on the corrupt elite in government, in finance and in the media, all of whom have been selling out the country of Washington, Jefferson and Lincoln for what amounts to personal gain. To Glenn Beck, these corrupt Masters of the Universe have become the new Axis of Evil. Their lust for power, and the money they use to buy it, is insatiable and they will not stop until they have succeeded in their perverse quest to preside over the smoking ruins of what was once was The United States of America.

Beck has inaugurated a movement called “We Surround Them” (www.the912project.com). He believes that this home grown Axis of Evil can be defeated, but it will be the people of American who must arise from their acceptance of the status quo to take back what has always been the most precious gift of all: our freedom. It is freedom that is being squandered by our runaway federal government. It is freedom that has been stolen by Bernie Madoff and the arrogant elites on Wall Street. And it is freedom that has been turned upside down by a compliant press that has abrogated its authentic responsibility in order to promote the ascension to power of what appears to be a misguided and inexperienced leader.

Glenn Beck has become a modern day Jeremiah. Jeremiah is the Old Testament prophet appointed by God to warn ancient Jerusalem that their corruption would bring a terrible end to everything they once loved.  Speaking to the rulers of the day, Jeremiah says: “Hear this you foolish and senseless people, who have eyes but do not see, who have ears but do not hear:…Among my people are wicked men who lie in wait like men who snare birds… their houses are full of deceit; they have become rich and powerful and have grown fat and sleek. Their evil deeds have no limit; they do not plead the case of the fatherless to win it, they do not defend the rights of the poor. Should I not punish them for this? Should I not avenge myself on such a nation as this? A horrible and shocking thing has happened in the land: The prophets prophesy lies, the priests rule by their own authority, and my people love it this way. But what will you do in the end?”

Has the country that placed “In God We Trust” on its coins departed to a place where the elite now say implicitly that “there is no God” and that they, with all their earthly power, have become like gods themselves, prophesying falsely to the people?  Have these false prophets declared that they are a law unto themselves and that they will take the people wherever they choose, whatever the cost?  And have they become blind and deaf in their own swill of corruption and cannot stop destroying what was once good and strong and beautiful?

Stand up Mr. Beck! Stand up people of this great land! Because we do surround them!

Is God hiding from you…or are you hiding from God? The common complaint is that God has left each of us to fight our own fight. It is as if we are claiming to be like lost children who frantically search everywhere, but cannot find our parents anywhere. We are the abandoned ones, betrayed by cruel and unloving parents who have exposed us to a harsh and dangerous world because they have left us to fend for ourselves. Our assumptions are shattered. Our parents are gone forever. And this is how we feel about God, too.

But how hard are we really looking? Or are we just repeating in our own time a pattern that was set in place from the very beginning. In the Eden story, found in the Book of Genesis, the man and the woman transgress and immediately feel shame and, as a result, go into hiding. God calls out to them, but they hide from Him at the very time when God is searching them out. In the time of the prophets, Isaiah identifies the intractable persistence of this problem of who is seeking and who is hiding: “We all, like lost sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way….” (Isaiah 53:6)

What causes us to hide from God? Is it us or is it Him? And what might cause us to hide in the first place? In the Genesis story the man and woman flee from the presence of a searching God because of shame and fear. If they had nothing to hide, they would not have taken cover. But they did have something very real to hide which was an act of utter unfaithfulness. After the man and the woman are cast out of Eden as punishment for their original crime, they seem to pass on to their own child Cain the same inclinations of faithlessness and rebellion. Cain murders his brother, and when he is caught, he cries out that his punishment is more than he can bear. He rejected God and became not a seeker but rather a “restless wanderer of the earth.” From then until now that is the condition of despair that many of us suffer from day in and day out. Perhaps it is time to find out what it means to be a seeker rather than a hider.

“God is everywhere.

There is no spot in heaven or in earth where he is not present.

From the first moment of my existence to the present moment, I have been in God’s presence. Everywhere. At all times.

Often I forget this truth.

Often I go on in the actions of life without a thought of God.

But here today I will remember that I am in the presence of God.” From St Augustine’s Prayer Book

O Lord my God, I cried out to you, and you restored me to health. Psalm 30:2

And call upon me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you will honor me. Psalm 50:15

In my distress I called to the Lord, and he answered me. From the depths of the grave I called for help, and you listened to my cry. Jonah 2:2

To those who might be experiencing severe distress, I strongly recommend that you consider, if you already haven’t, calling upon the Lord for help. I did and it made all the difference.

I would imagine that to most people the word bankruptcy would summon up images of disaster and ruin, but for me, the experience of financial distress unexpectedly opened up window after window, so that like a captive bird in a cage I was able to fly through the tiny opening and out into a new world and a new life.

As I look back to that traumatic day when I had to file a chapter 11 petition, I still cannot provide an explanation to my survival that many would find reasonable. I should have gone down in flames, but that is not what happened. Instead, I walked away from the smoking ruins unscathed.

I do know this, however. When all seemed lost and hopeless, and when every avenue of escape had closed down, I did call upon the Lord in my day of trouble. I also know that in time I was delivered from my distress even though I did not deserve to survive, nor did I expect to. The only explanation that makes sense to me today is that I experienced the same amazing Grace that John Newton writes about in his song: “I once was lost and now am found was blind but now I see.”

Would my fate have been different if I had not called upon the Lord in my hour of extreme need? I don’t know for sure, but I now believe God’s hand was there to guide me through. And so I believe the psalmist’s words are true: “If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.”